I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just puked most of my soul out..
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