Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
