you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
