My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
