It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
