I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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