I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
