i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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