I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
