Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
