dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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