If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
