they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
