Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
