Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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