i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
