He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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