absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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