I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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