if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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