saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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