I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
