party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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