I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
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