yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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