I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
