Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
