Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
