who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
