i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
