"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
