Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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