i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
