I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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