Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
