Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
