my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She just used a chaser for red wine.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
