please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
