She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
