i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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