Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
