What did we do last night that was yellow?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
