Yo dont text me then not text me
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
