I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
