I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
