Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
