I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
