Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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