Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
