I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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