i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
